02 Mar Get over youself
You probably think I am talking to you, maybe I am.
Another birthday has crept up on me. I would compare my birthdays to “creepy clowns”. Unavoidable (much like Halloween, scary books and movies), disturbing, full of trickery and if I am lucky…. there will be candy.
At lunch the other day, my dear friend asked me, “What do you want to plan for your birthday”. My response: “Nothing”. Her exasperated response “Oh, your one of those people”. I forgot to ask her to qualify her response, but instead thought for a while about what that meant as I am a over-thinker.
It’s not that I am ashamed of aging, frightened of death or get depressed…that’s not what I feel at all. Actually I feel amazing lucky that I get another year, another opportunity to keep “becoming” who I should be, more chances to have memories, vacations, buy pretty things, find fulfillment, master yoga, help others,….etc, you get the gist. I am not disappointed, but feel more motivated to make this year better than my last. So it’s all inner and outer love.
To be honest, I get embarrassed at the attention of birthdays. I am not judging, but I am not one to throw myself a birthday party (but I would love to plan one for you). My birthday makes me feel like a hostess to a party I did not want to have: concerned that I show enough appreciation, pressured to make sure people feel pleased and entertained, over extending my thanks and kudos to all the birthday wishes and gifts. To me it’s a bit of work.
The past couple of years, I have donated blood on my birthday. I have to say, that makes me super happy. I would love to give a “thank you” gift to everyone on my loved one list. I feel so much appreciation for what I have already been given. I do not think I am “all that” as I do like getting nice things too… just don’t “need” to get them.
My top reasons I dislike birthdays:
- Clowns. As mentioned before…I hate clowns. As a kid, there were parties with clowns blowing up balloon animals…CREEPIE!
- Cake. Not a fan. Sign me up for birthday pie or a birthday shot. That would be amazing.
- The song “Happy Birthday” is really terrible and I always feel super awkward when everyone is singing to me. I tend to avoid eye contact and breath slowly with a weird plastered smile until it is over.
- Opening gifts. I feel pressure to make sure I show enough appreciation no matter what it is. I want the gift giver to know how much I appreciate the thought regardless of the gift.
My perfect birthday:
- Sleep in and drink an extra cup of coffee.
- No cake.
- No Happy Birthday song.
- No gifts other than empty boxes with promises to spend time with me in the coming year.
Or…maybe I am just overthinking the whole thing. Happy Birthday to me.