Get over youself

You probably think I am talking to you, maybe I am.

Another birthday has crept up on me. I would compare my birthdays to “creepy clowns”.  Unavoidable (much like Halloween, scary books and movies), disturbing, full of trickery and if I am lucky…. there will be candy.

At lunch the other day, my dear friend asked me, “What do you want to plan for your birthday”. My response: “Nothing”.  Her exasperated response “Oh, your one of those people”.  I forgot to ask her to qualify her response, but instead thought for a while about what that meant as I am a over-thinker.

It’s not that I am ashamed of aging, frightened of death or get depressed…that’s not what I feel at all. Actually I feel amazing lucky that I get another year, another opportunity to keep “becoming” who I should be, more chances to have memories, vacations, buy pretty things, find fulfillment, master yoga, help others,….etc, you get the gist.  I am not disappointed, but feel more motivated to make this year better than my last.  So it’s all inner and outer love.

To be honest, I get embarrassed at the attention of birthdays.  I am not judging, but I am not one to throw myself a birthday party (but I would love to plan one for you).  My birthday makes me feel like a hostess to a party I did not want to have: concerned that I show enough appreciation, pressured to make sure people feel pleased and entertained,  over extending my thanks and kudos to all the birthday wishes and gifts. To me it’s a bit of work.

The past couple of years, I have donated blood on my birthday. I have to say, that makes me super happy.  I would love to give a “thank you” gift to everyone on my loved one list. I feel so much appreciation for what I have already been given. I do not think I am “all that” as I do like getting nice things too… just don’t “need” to get them.

My top reasons I dislike birthdays:

  1. Clowns. As mentioned before…I hate clowns. As a kid, there were parties with clowns blowing up balloon animals…CREEPIE!
  2. Cake. Not a fan. Sign me up for birthday pie or a birthday shot. That would be amazing.
  3. The song “Happy Birthday” is really terrible and I always feel super awkward when everyone is singing to me. I tend to avoid eye contact and breath slowly with a weird plastered smile until it is over.
  4. Opening gifts. I feel pressure to make sure I show enough appreciation no matter what it is. I want the gift giver to know how much I appreciate the thought regardless of the gift.

My perfect birthday:

  1. Sleep in and drink an extra cup of coffee.
  2. No cake.
  3. No Happy Birthday song.
  4. No gifts other than empty boxes with promises to spend time with me in the coming year.

Or…maybe I am just overthinking the whole thing. Happy Birthday to me.

of cake.

Andrea Leppert
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