14 Aug Dear Son,
Over the past couple summer months I have seen many Facebook e-articles regarding students leaving for college for the first time and parents dealing with the process.
All that reading, and I am no more prepared.
I sit here amazed that tomorrow morning we will take you to college. I am amazed that we packed so fast and so much, and that it all fit in the Jeep for tomorrow. Our living room is now empty of “stuff”. Stuff that started with a small pile, mostly gifts from your graduation party. Trinkets and gag gifts for college. Most of the “gag gifts” being drink ware, much to your delight and my horror. The silly college pile has grown more serious and sizable with “necessities” over the past couple of weeks. The pile, to me symbolically grew bigger as we move closer to moving day and more difficult to ignore.
The emotions I struggle with are of both joy and sadness, but mostly I feel uncertainty. I recall my anticipation of college when I was 18…excitement, anxiety…but mostly a compelling force to leave and experience a life that people have been talking about for years! I know you feel the same. I know you feel a little uncertain too, I saw the look on your face when we were packing. A little panic and fear. YOU are going to be great.
The uncertainty and looming sadness that sit in my heart are mostly about me. I am going to miss you, your smile and our conversations. I think you’ll do great, but will I? Eventually I will be ok. Just call on Sundays at the very least. It’s all very selfish, I know.
What I do know with certainty is that we taught you how to live, love and succeed on your own. If you forget, Think “WWMS” What would mom say? I know you will make good choices most of the time, but we’ve been there for times when you did not. We still are, so call, we’re only 2 hours away….that’s a cup of coffee and a drive.
I hope you miss us less every day and I know eventually you will want to stay there more that come home. I want you to find friends and people to talk to and appreciate you. Look for happy well adjusted people. Be happy, be kind, be resourceful and be wary.
The feelings of uncertainty in me…remind me when I was pregnant with you, I wondered when I saw other peoples’ children (crying, having tantrums…) Will I love this child? Will I be a good mother? Will he healthy and smart and happy? You are all those things and you own my heart. In a way you have always belonged to me. Now, you belong to yourself. I give you yourself.
I hope you find yourself struggling on a test, but then exceeding expectations. I want you to feel challenged, but confident to reach out to teachers if you fall behind. Dream big…ask those questions….all of them!! I hope you know, you can come home anytime to visit or whenever. Your family is here anytime.
I wish you to be there for people when they’re sad to give them a warm hug or encouragement and you find the same. I hope you find love or like and then lose it, as a point of us sending you there is to meet many people and get a degree not a marriage certificate.
Love you to moon and back.
You can also just call/text/email to say “hi” , “miss you”, “send treats”, “help”….anything my dear boy.
Go with Peace in your heart.